34 Real Thoughts Every Sleep-Deprived Mom Can Relate to, as Told by Amy Poehler
Every new parent has been there — learning to function without sleep. Even if you were a pro at it in college, it’s now a completely different experience of feeling partially numb for an amazing
reason. And if you thought you’d stop doing stupid things once you gave birth and the pregnancy brain was over, think again! Whether you’re willing to admit it or not, every new mom can relate to these partially unpleasant thoughts that sneak up when you’re woken up every hour on the hour and start to feel like a milk machine. But thank goodness for Amy Poehler, who can make us laugh at anything — even at our utter sleepless desperation!
- Is my baby just a cruel and unusual torture device?
- I think she’s laughing at me now.
- I swear, if one more person asks me why I look so tired . . .
- How many more cups of coffee can I have before my blood becomes purely cold brew?
- Why didn’t I appreciate all the sleep that I used to get?
- If I just slowly put him in the crib and tiptoe out, he’ll never know!
- I’m so tired, I almost feel drunk — is that even possible?
- Is my face numb?
- Is my child broken? Did I break her?
- This baby has been up as long as I have, so why isn’t he just as tired?
- Does it make me a bad mom for wanting to drop them off and then go right back to bed?
- Would it be inappropriate to put my husband in timeout?
- I’m starting to visualize my life one nap at a time.
- I just need to eat my feelings in order to feel better.
- And to think, there was a time I thought that cry was cute.
- Is this what the rest of my life is going to be?
- Why aren’t other moms struggling as much as I am?
- And to think, I really loved that glider when I first bought it.
- Why is nobody understanding me right now? Am I speaking a different language?
- How did I pull those all-nighters in college?