Working Moms Feel Guilty All the Time

August 16, 2017 By SD Moms Leave a Comment

Working Moms Feel Guilty All the Time Because of Their Childhoods, Says Science

When I grew up, ya know back in 1980’s – the olden days, moms were the ones who stayed home with the kids and handled all of the domestic chores while dad went to work. There was not a time when I came home from school and my mom was not there. That’s just the way it was. As I grew up that began to be less common with my age group. Today finding a mom who stays home with the kids is far and few in between and there are a variety of reasons for that, some personal preference and economic as well – but that’s a different story. The issue today is that a lot of moms feel guilty not being home with their children. Recent studies show guilt many working moms feel is actually brought on by their own childhood experiences.

Research was conducted at Queen Mary University in London. Researchers conducted 148 interviews with 78 different male and female employees from multiple different accounting and legal firms. Dr. Iona Lupu, co-author of the study said “We are not blank slates when we join the workforce. Many of our attitudes [about work and family] are already deeply ingrained from childhood.” That makes perfect sense. I clearly remember my mother telling my sister and I how she loved her job, but felt that is was her responsibility to stay home with us kids. But like I said earlier, it was much different back when I grew up – especially economically. One female participant in the study stated “I do remember my mother always regretting she didn’t have a job outside the home and that was something that influenced me and all my sisters…. She’d encourage us to find a career where we could work. She was quite academic herself, more educated than my father, but because of the nature of families and young children, she’d had to become this stay-at-home parent.”

The study does not completely get rid of the guilt some working moms feel, but it does provide some great insight as to where those feelings come from. Childhoods have a major impact on our feelings toward our careers -more than we realize. The “traditional” role of moms has changed dramatically since we were kids and we can’t erase those feelings of guilt, studies like these can help us understand and be more accepting of what motherhood should be.

To read the full article from Cafe Moms….CLICK HERE!

Mother punishes neighbor’s son by shaving his head, writing ‘pervert’ on his forehead

August 3, 2017 By SD Moms Leave a Comment

In this day and age, looking at someone crossed eyed will get you in a lot of trouble. When I saw the title of this article I could not believe my eyes! Punishing your own child is hard enough these days. There is always someone looking or listening, just dying to get it on YouTube. What this mother did is unbelievable.

In Eureka MO, a mother punished her neighbor’s kid by shaving his head and writing pervert on his head with a felt tip pen. The police say they have never had a case like this before. According to police, the woman’s daughter was spending the night with the boy’s sister. Police say the boy went into the room where the girls were pulled the neighbor girl’s hair. When she sat up, the boy told police he accidentally hit her in the chest. The little girl, went home and told her mom she’d been touched inappropriately by the boy.

Lt. Dave Wilson of the Eureka Police Dept. stated – “The day the 9-year-old boy went to the neighbor’s house looking for his sister and the mother of the young girl who was upset with the young boy pulled him into the apartment, shaved his head,”

That’s not all. Police say the woman wrote the word ‘pervert’ with a felt tip pen on the boy’s forehead. Now that mother could face assault charges on a minor.

“She certainly admitted to the accusations and obviously regrets her decision,” says Wilson.

To read the entire article from ABC 10 News

– CLICK HERE.

Separation Anxiety, Your Kid and You

May 1, 2017 By SD Moms

Don’t you just hate it when people have children that have zero separation anxiety? They drop their kids off at daycare or school and their kids forget their parents were there before the they exit the building. This is not the case for you. The situation you are in, is among the most common. Children whether shy, outgoing, easy going, quiet…WILL turn into a screaming, snot dripping, howling, clingy mess when it’s drop off time. It doesn’t really get better and you dread it every morning. It ruins your day at work, causes you undue stress and may even result in you making drastic life changes just to accommodate your child being able to stay home, glued to your side…pretty much to make yourself feel better. Are you really helping your child?

If you are ready to take a step back, breath and see what you could be doing differently to be more successful with separating yourself from your child for a hours at a time like those “other” parents, you may be able to learn from them. Most parents have this overwhelming sense that they are being mean or cruel to their children if they walk away while they are crying. This is a widely fictitious belief. As a matter of fact, your being more cruel to yourself and your child by not just walking away and letting the child adapt.

Easier said than done right? I bet your thinking….”The person who wrote this obviously does not have kids.” Well…true or not, stop the cycle. This article may be a good resource for you if your a first time parent, or a veteran parent who just can’t seem to perfect the separation anxiety process.

For example:

1. It’s inconvenient and—dare I say—annoying.

Yes, using these words to describe attachment sounds a little bit horrible; but really, how would you characterize the feverish screams accompanying your attempt to move 10 feet away from your kid?

2. It causes guilt.

It could be work; it could be preschool drop-off; it could be finally peeing after you’ve held it for three hours. But eventually, you’re going to walk away from your kid; he is going to freak; and you’re going to feel terrible. Of course, parenting is all about guilt, and of course, you’re making all kinds of horrific mistakes sure to doom your kid to therapy later in life, but feeling guilty for going to the bathroom just in time to prevent another bladder infection is a bit extreme.

3. It hurts your kid.

Not to minimize your inconvenience and guilt—that totally sucks—but the panic your kid is enduring is worse. Imagine that you’re scuba diving and your oxygen tank keeps walking away. This is life for your kid.

So yeah, separation anxiety is pretty tough. But, it’s also a normal, appropriate part of your kid’s development, so she deserves your accommodation as you both get through it. Accommodation, however, is not the same as encouragement. The ultimate goal is to show your kid that she’s safe without you, not establish a dynamic where your kid controls your every movement.

FOR THE FULL ARTICLE CLICK HERE

Before I Could Teach My Daughter to Love Her Body, I Had to Come to Terms With Mine

March 8, 2017 By SD Moms

It’s hard to practice what we preach, especially if we are trying to convince someone to love themselves when we have such strong insecurities about our own selves. We want out little ones to be comfortable with their body image no matter what they are built like. Contrary to what television, magazines and social media try’s to make us believe, we are not all models. We are normal human beings that should never feel less about ourselves because of our body image.

That sounds really good doesn’t it? I wish it were that easy. It is however very important to be okay with yourself, before trying to instill that in your child. Kids pick up on things and if you don’t believe it…why should they?

This is a great article that is told from this mommy’s point of view.

Click HERE for the FULL ARTICLE

8 Feels No One Tells You You’ll Have When You Put Your Child in Daycare

November 7, 2016 By SD Moms

Have your little one’s hit daycare yet? Do you have anxious feelings about it? This article highlights eight feelings that you may be feeling.

For example:

Feeling inadequate.

As much as I pride myself on being able to juggle work-life balance and “have it all,” in the back of my mind, I realize I can’t give all of myself to my kids 24/7. I would love to spend endless hours building towers to knock them down, watch Sesame Street, and chase my boys around the yard. But I also have a work responsibility that requires me to actually focus on work.

Accepting that I can’t be my boys’ everything has been a tough pill to swallow, but one that’s necessary in order to make changes for the better.

A sense it’s time.

In the short amount of time I’ve been a mother, I’m so thankful to say I’ve had wonderful memories with my sons — poop, vomit, and all. It’s been such a blessing to me and my husband to be able to work from home with them for so long — but as they get older, we realize it’s only a matter of time before they need to buckle down and prepare for school.

Kindergarten is no joke. (Seriously, my oldest will have to complete an assessment test just to get into public school.)

Click HERE for the full list and Article