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For San Diego Moms and Moms-To-Be

Tips to Help Dads Connect with Daughters

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When you as a father show a genuine interest in your daughter and treat her with respect, you’re sending a very positive message to her. You’re telling her that all men should treat her in a similar manner. And darn it…they should!

Of course you want the best for your little girl, you want her to be safe, strong. You want her ready for anything – to face any challenge that comes her way, without worrying about her being over powered by some disrespectful guy. You certainly don’t want her seeking out dysfunctional relationships because of the way she was raised by her father. It’s important to be able to take a step back, look at your relationship with your daughter and evaluate it…leaving your pride and “Don’t tell me how to raise my kid” attitude behind you. Think to yourself what is best for your little girl.
Whether you or someone you know need help building a positive dad/daughter relationship or maybe just need a reconnect. There are some great tips here to help you on your way.

A great first step is to get involved in your daughter’s life. We all have rough, long days at work and put up with enormous loads of crap from people, but you’re a parent. You don’t get to come home after work and immediately turn on the TV or flip on your iPad? Reevaluate your priorities. By getting involved with at least one aspect of your daughter’s life, you will see a change in how connected the two of you are. Try maybe coaching her sports team or have dinner with the family a few times a week. Get to know the dads in her social circle is huge. Then you’re all on the same page.
Respecting her mother is and your own mother will speak volumes to your little girl about how men treat women. It will show her what she should expect in the future. Think about it this way. You love your daughter more than anything so always treat your wife the way you want your daughter’s future husband to treat her. Trust me, she is watching you for cues on how to behave with men.

Also hug her! Don’t EVER forget…no matter how old your daughter gets, never stop showing her affection. Hugs may not seem welcome when she’s a teen and is acting like she is embarrassed to be around you, but studies show that the teenage years are the most formative time for a young girl’s self-esteem. She needs those hugs – especially from her father.

To read more, go to sandiegofamily.com

Parenting Things You Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Had A Toxic Mother

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Just because you have become a mother, that doesn’t mean you stop being someone’s child. The effects of an abusive, toxic, or damaging mother can be passed down through generations without you even knowing it. New mothers hoping to take their parenting down another, non-toxic direction have a tough road to travel.

Kathryn Smerling, Ph.D., LCSW, a family therapy professional who practices in Manhattan states, “There is an axiom in family therapy known as repeat and repair; you either repeat the same mistakes or repair them. Either you mindlessly keep the same cycle going that you experienced as a child or you decide to be the one to make the change. To stop a hurtful cycle in its tracks, you have to understand what about your childhood worked, and what didn’t. You can educate yourself about healthy parenting practices, and put your knowledge to work each day as you endeavor to break the cycle.”

Try hard not to let the past creep up on the present. These damaged roots influence just about everything in our lives — and go much deeper than you realize. The past is a part of you. The way you were raised influences psychological and emotional development. It can hinder your ability to move on in this world with purpose and comfort.

One thing we often do when trying to change patterns is overcompensation.  Keep in mind though that trying to be the perfect parent all the time is incredibly stressful, and sadly, usually doomed to fail. You’re not Supergirl and shouldn’t try to pretend to be. Relax, take lots of deep breaths and be aware of your actions and what you’re trying to overcome.

Possibly one of the most important things to remember is to not forget about self-care. It’s so vitally important to remember to make time for self-care. Yoga classes, therapy, artistic pursuits, and hobbies. Remember what they tell you on a commercial airline flight – secure your own oxygen mask before helping others. It translates into many facets of life – you are no good to others if you can’t function properly yourself.

Don’t give up and DON’T GIVE INTO ANGER. Once you give in to anger and frustration you have lost. Stay on course, taking time for yourself when you feel overwhelmed. Talk to your spouse, friends and family for support.

To read more about this topic, go to romper.com

Why Teens Need Their Music

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Young people seem to have quite a relationship with their headphones or ear buds don’t they. No matter where they are, or what they are doing, they have their music. Why is a teen’s music so important and necessary to them?

According to research, a teenager’s music is a way of defining and sharing their sense of self identity. Clinical social worker Kathryn Rudlin says, “Teens tend to gravitate to music describing what they are feeling and what is important to them.” Teenagers are desperately trying to make sense of a world that usually doesn’t make sense to them. Often times the words in popular songs that your teen is drawn to expresses their own feelings and experiences. It could be love, hate, sadness, happiness…teens have extremely powerful emotions on all sides of the hormonal spectrum. Research is now showing that music is actually helping their brains develop as they grow.

Don’t get jealous of your teens ear buds. Parents want to be their child’s sounding board and you still can at times. Music however is more immediate to them. To a teenager,  the singer is singing that song directly to them and knows exactly how they feel.

Most importantly just as you did when you were younger, your teen is exploring identity. A teenager bonding with her friends who like the same music helps your teen understand themselves. Also let them try out different musical genres.  Music for your teenager is a legitimate path to self-discovery.

You can read more on this at huffingtonpost.com

Pumping at Work

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Moms who breastfeed have all been in this scenario.  Where have you had to pump or nurse your baby that you said you will never do it again.  For me, it was the bathroom.  Now I’m stuck in a situation at work.

Watch this and tell me your opinion:

No matter what, I will continue pumping at work.  This will not stop me!

Your Daughter Doesn’t Owe ANYONE A Hug

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We all know that the Holidays are a very “huggie” time of year. Long lost family friends show up out of nowhere, relatives from out of town visit and it seems like everyone you come across want’s a to give you a holiday hug. It can be rather overwhelming and stressful.

As much as your daughters love Christmas, they may not look forward to all of the hugs and touching that goes along with it – especially from people they don’t know or hardly know. Have you ever forced your daughter to give long lost Uncle Ben a big hug?” Maybe you’ve said “Aunt Cheryl spent a lot of time getting that toy for you. Go give her a big kiss and hug.”  If yes, you might want to seriously think about what you’re doing.

Consider this next time your forcing your daughter into giving someone physical affection. By making your daughter feel like she owes someone a hug for any reason at all is just wrong. It can set the stage for her questioning whether she “owes” another person any type of physical affection later in life. You’re setting her up for inappropriate physical relationships that you in effect will be yelling at her for having as she grows into a young woman. Girl Scouts’ developmental psychologist Dr. Andrea Bastiani Archibald states, “The notion of consent may seem very grown-up and like something that doesn’t pertain to children, but the lessons girls learn when they’re young about setting physical boundaries and expecting them to be respected last a lifetime, and can influence how she feels about herself and her body as she gets older. Plus, sadly, we know that some adults prey on children, and teaching your daughter about consent early on can help her understand her rights, know when lines are being crossed, and when to go to you for help.”

To read the very important article at Girlscouts.org, CLICK HERE

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